Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Operation Wean 'em . . .

We decided before going to NZ (Andrew and I), that it was time to wean the midget. Mainly because she has got into some strange and not-particularly-socially-acceptable behaviours - like, fumbling her grubby little hands down my front in public and asking to feel/see/touch my nings . . . and giggling like a hyena as she does so. And then there were the hour long lolling sessions first thing in the morning, where we would stay in bed until she had had her fill . . . and the same at night time. Not to mention her predilection to assume the position (lying across my lap and looking hopefully at me with a beatific smile while her hands got busy freeing the milk suppliers) anytime we got into a cafe situation.

It was TIME.

We cooked up a scheme, not particularly bright, but the best we could do in the absence of anything better, and started telling her that 'when we came home to Australia (after our trip home to Enzed) she would be a BIG girl, and therefore no more ning . . .' We offered to buy her a 'special cup' to replace the ning - asked her what colour cup she wanted - her reply? 'ummmmm, a GWEY one' (we expected pink, or at least purple. grey? at her age?)

She seemed to love the idea, repeating it by rote to anyone who asked (we drilled her in it daily, sometimes four or five times a day), and kept looking for the gwey (then black, then bue, then WED) cup as we did so.

We travelled home today, and it was a ning fest on the plane, because ya di ya di yah dah, refer to the above was due to be implemented!

however, when we arrived home, ning was demanded, in the usual stentorian tones, and andrew manfully went in to bat, gently reminding amelia of the (admittedly and decidedly one sided) deal we had struck. she faced him down, hands on hips, and shouted 'i not a big girl, i a LITTLE girl' and followed up with some deep and meaningful spitting (you've seen it). she stalked outside to sit on her rocking horse, announcing to us both that 'i not TALKING now' (more spitting followed). more enraged and indignant shouting followed, mainly incoherent, as she gave us collectively the few remaining pieces of her tiny mind. she came inside to harass me a little more, and i remonstrated gently for quite a while, but to no avail. she was so adamant, standing shouting us both down, red-faced and frankly belligerent, that i lost it completely, and buried my face in my hands - crying with laughter, saying to andrew that: 'this is going to kill me.' amelia promptly turned to her father and announced, in a very calm voice, 'she's going to KILL me, she's going to kill me' (she knows what killing is, as she spent some very enjoyable moments killing flies and other winged things at granny's house yesterday, flourishing the blue fly swat most effectively). andrew, understandably, lost it in turn, suddenly completely unable to speak.

then (courtesy of grannIE) i had an epiphany, and told amelia that my nings were BROKEN, and that i needed to have some band aids put on them, and asked her if she would mind fetching me the bandaids.

WELL, that was a turnaround moment. she became very concerned, asked me if they were 'vewwy saw', and went and got two bandaids (elbowing andrew aside to do so), nad carefully placed them on the areas listed as 'bwoken'. she then announced that her nings were also broken, and that she likewise needed bandaids . . .

We then hopped into the parental bed, where she started to watch her favorite dvd on my laptop, before cuddling up to me, patting the sore bits very gingerly for a short while, and went promptly and deeply to sleep.

We are hoping that this strategy will work.

If not, I am following grannIE's advice to the letter, and will apply green food colouring to the territory in dispute, in an effort to convince amelia that they are REALLY broken. I am also laying in a stock of cabbage leaves (thanks aunty S) to help me on my way.


  1. What a pitty you didn't go to the health store while you were back home and get some milk stop natural herbal pills as well. You can't get anything like that here, only back in NZ of course. But cabbage leaves do work, you just end up smelling like cabbage unfortunetly. Remember it is only the outter leaves, not the whole cabbage!!!

  2. hey kimara!!!! i think ineed the whole cabbage cos i will have teeny weeny you know whats when this is all over . . . spaniel's ears in fact hee hee.
    how are YOU guys? xxx